During the time my mom became ill, was hospitalized, was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away, my doctor was informing me that my mortality was also at stake due to heart problems, and she was having me tested in various ways. Then one morning she called me and said she felt the results of the tests warrented a referral to a cardiologist.
I had no symptoms and felt intuitively that there was nothing wrong with my heart. But….then worry set in. Fear crept in as the days passed while I waited for my appointment. I bought a new blood pressure doodad and took my BP about 100 times. That being fine, I bought a little pulse oximeter and put it on my finger to keep track of my pulse and observe the oxygen content of my blood through various activities…or no activity except staring at it.
I imagined the near future with various senaroies predicated by fear.
Let’s face it, mortality has been on my mind, with my mom slipping away dad by day before my eyes.
So yesterday I had my appointment with the cardiologist. I handed him a list of my blood pressures and pulse over the last week because I have ‘white coat syndrome’ really bad and I knew my BP would be sky high when taken in the office.
He sat with my chart, thick with all the test results and asked ” so what brought you in today?’ I told him it all started with my doctor telling me I needed my ‘welcome to Medicare’ EKG, and I went on and on. He listened. He got my history. He examined me. Last, he studied the chart.
And he said some happy words….’I think this is going to be a very short visit.’
He found everything to be normal. He found my heart and arteries to be in fairly good condition for having worked non stop for almost 66 years. He dismissed me with good wishes in my travels and said no follow-up visit would be necessary.
I fairly flew out of that office…a huge weight lifted. I was too overwhelmed to be able to think further than this week…but relief flooded me.
And I’m intermittently flooded with sadness, thinking about my mom…
I’ll be flying to Tuscon tomorrow to have her burried next to my dad.
Mary will be taking care of Joy and Shiloh for me. I’ll miss them for the 4 days I’m away, but I won’t worry about them. I want to take this time to thank friends and family who have been wonderful during this very rough time. Thank you for the calls the emails, and posting here, and for helping me and supporting me in so many ways…thank you so much…words just don’t express it. By family, I’m referring to Mandy’s family (my sons new wife), who have adopted me, right along with Jason. They are an amazing clan, and I am so honored that they have welcomed me into their love.
So I will tend to my moms burial, and later this month my new family will be hosting a ‘Celebration Of Life’ for her. After that Joy, Shiloh and I will be heading out into the wild, blue yonder again to continue our exploration of this beautiful blue marble.
Life Is Precious.