Wandering and Wondering

Yes, I wonder as I wander.

I wonder at the beauty all around me, and how amazing and precious nature is, and how I can hardly take it in sometimes.

Sharing it with you all, somehow helps.

IMG_2094

I wonder about life here…and elsewhere, and what it all means.  “The universe is a pretty big place.  If it’s just us, seems like an awful waste of space.” (Carl Sagan)

I wonder about Spirit, and ‘religion’ and war and peace and how long the USA can continue on in its present political condition.

I wonder why dogs have so much shorter life spans than humans, and how I’m going to handle it if my Joy leaves me.

img_1994.jpg

JOY

I wonder about compassion and kindness and love and indifference, and about the suffering of humans, and the needless suffering we subject animals to because we want to eat them.

My Wondering has caused me to imagine what this vast prairie land was like when herds of buffalo and native people roamed it and called it home …before there were electric lines and pipelines and traffic lines.  When the Wild grasses grew everywhere and nature ruled …before it became one giant feed-lot for mankind.  And womankind.  Oh!  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s still beautiful…heartbreakingly beautiful.  But I still wonder…

IMG_2073We saw some buffalo/bison around the Custer State Park area.  Wow.

IMG_2072

I wonder why money and power mean so much and why peace and living in balance upon the earth mother , mean so little.

Oh, I could go on and on about the things I wonder, but I mostly want to mention my new Wondering, and those are the questions, how long do I want to continue wandering?  Am I still enjoying this like I did at first?  If I ‘settle’ somewhere will I be satisfied, or will I promptly want to go wandering again?

IMG_2105Honestly I’d be happy in a place about this size.

I envisioned doing this for a much longer time and there are still places I’d like to go, things I’d like to do, and people I’d like to see.  But right now I’m feeling insecure and a bit anxious.  Driving is making me nervous and I have a bit of a ‘heavy’ feeling, for lack of a better word.  I don’t know if it’s my natural insecurities raising their heads…because I have a lot of those…or if it’s my intuition speaking.

I think I need some time to get my head together.

I might be quiet here for awhile while I try to sort this out.

Right now we are in Piedmont, South Dakota, just north of Rapid City and on the eastern edge of the Black Hills.  In a few days we will be on our way to North Dakota to visit friends Colleen and Fred, who we met at Caballo Loco Ranch this winter…well actually we met them two winters ago, the first time we went there.

Since we’ve been near Rapid City we have visited The Mammoth Site, where over 100 mammoths drowned in a pit 26,000 years ago and their bones are being studied now.

{I’m having a lot of trouble with pictures right now, so can’t show you all I’d like to}

We’ve driven in the Black Hills near Custer State Park and watched the buffalo, explored Rapid City, Hotsprings, and Spearfish, and we drove through Spearfish Canyon, have seen Lead and Deadwood.

Its gotten cold…very cold, with nights in the low 20’s and days only reaching 40.  It has snowed too.

IMG_1999

I’m ok.  I’m just questioning things right now and not sure, after my visit with Colleen and Fred, which direction I’ll head…east, or west.  I’m literally changing my mind from day to day…even from hour to hour.

When I make some kind of decision, I’ll be letting you know!

 

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Wandering and Wondering

  1. Chris says:

    Is the grass always greener on the other side? I wonder. Can we go ANYWHERE and not have the same worries, insecurities or happiness? I guess that is why we wander. How souls can’t settle until whatever we seek is found? I wonder if it ever will be …

    • Well Chris, first I’d have to figure out what I’m seeking I guess. Just the beauty…which is just about everywhere….peace…which I usually have….but right now it’s a bit elusive.

      • Chris says:

        I’ve always said my imagination is worse that what really happened or is about to happen. It’s nice to find the serene or the tranquil in our mind and surroundings but sometimes I crave the chaos of when my children were small, days went by quickly filled with childish glee. I wanted them to slow down. Now my days are long with a lot of time to reflect on the why’s and wherefores of my life. Not often as pretty as I’d like to think. Yes, beauty is everywhere and we are amazed by it daily … however … if the heart craves something it can’t have or can’t find then the search continues. I hope you find what you seek and peace fills you with joy … if not today … definitely tomorrow. Perhaps it isn’t a journey to see the world through the windows of your Casita???? Looking forward to reading more of your pilgrimage.

  2. Patty says:

    Sending you virtual hugs across the many miles! Okay, a kiss or two also 😙 XXXXXXX 😗
    You have always figured things out!

    Patty

  3. eliza says:

    I think because your companion Joy is getting weaker, everything feels heavy. But thank you for sharing your wondering….

  4. Gerri & Mike says:

    Well that was a thought provoking post!! I think you are “wondering” things many of us feel. When you are able to slow down in life (from the busy work world) there is time to wonder and think. You are in an excellent place to be still and think. Don’t worry about the blog…we’ll all still be here. Take your time and soak in nature. Enjoy your friends and pursue what gives you peace….whether it’s east, west, north or south or a stationary place. Pursue your happiness!!

  5. Oh my! You and I could probably talk for hours! We could just wonder out loud.
    I hope you find your peace. Maybe there’s a little cabin in the woods calling your name? Or the desert? Or other possibilities? They’re endless…but something will speak to you!

  6. Eileen says:

    Hello again from chilly Michigan. You’ve written about liking the Rolling Stones but if you have ever heard of the British folk/jazz group from the sixties called Pentangle I will be surprised. Their old song “People On The Highway” started playing in my head while I read “Wandering and Wondering”. Strange. If interested and you can’t understand the accent you can always Google the lyrics. The lead singer, Jacqui McShee, is still performing at age 73. So there’s an inspiration for us: Never… Give… Up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BS7MQdrEG4

  7. I think your wonderings are perfectly normal for those of us born to be natural wanderers. And also for all of us living in this mixed up world of ours. I know your heart is heavy with concern for Joy’s health, but keep in mind that she seems to thoroughly enjoy every moment of your wanderings together! I know that I would miss you terribly if you gave up wandering and writing, but think you should take time to quiet your heart and soul so you can work all that out. I will pray that you find the answer that is right for you and your fur babies. Be safe, my friend, and may the Gods watch over you!

  8. Cat Lady says:

    Suggestion: stop watching/reading/discussing the news. You can’t do a darn thing about it so cut out all sources of news. You don’t need to know every little thing that’s going on…you’re not an ambassador that can change things so stop upsetting yourself listening/reading about stuff you have no control over. Ask God to help our leaders do what’s right then leave it in his hands. Instead, focus on Joy. Enjoy time with your pups. Worrying won’t change a thing and it spoils the time we have left with them so let the news and worries go.

    • Excellent suggestion Cat Lady. I don’t see much tv, but I get the news on line and it’s bothering me a LOT right now. A LOT. Probably where I’m getting the insecure feelings…along with some other feelings…
      Thank you for that.

  9. cc and canine (now back in Oregon) says:

    I understand your wonderings….this may not be a good time to make a decision about your wanderings…. wherever you are in this big country of ours, whether you live in a Casita or a house like ours, the current political situation will add to one’s anxiety. At least that is what is happening to us. I have been wondering how to make sense of it all, and what I can do… I am trying to spend more time with my 2 grandgirls, and to instill in them a love of nature and the environment. When they are over, the news is OFF. And I think that that benefits us all..

    Find a nice place you like, and stay put for a while…. Give yourself a chance to appreciate what you do have…and give those goldens some big hugs.

    • I think you are right on Sharon. I feel like the political climate is one of the major things undermining my state of mind. It’s always running in the background. I just read an article by …I think a psychologist… about ways to deal with it, and it seems you have found them in your life.

      I’ve been in a good, safe place here with friends on their farm/ranch. The dogs have adapted quickly to enjoying being farm dogs, and I’m seeing a side of life I’ve never seen before.
      Thanks so much for caring.

  10. Heidi says:

    I really enjoyed your post today (as i always do). I’m feeling this way too lately. My horse just turned 31 this weekend and although hes in excellent condition i wonder what i will be like when hes no longer here. I get anxious at times watching my animals age. A co worker has done an awful thing to me too and thats really stressing me out. Thank goodness my boss is on my side but i wonder the point of it and why it mattered in the first place. I have to tell myself this too shall pass and move on. I cant wait to retire.

    • Hi Heidi, oh my goodness, your companion for 31 years. It’s so good he’s healthy. I think for all of us, being as healthy as possible for as long as possible is key.
      Work can be so stressful, and relationships can get so tangled. I’m sorry you are having this problem with your coworker. Glad that your boss is aware. I hope retirement for you isn’t too far off!

  11. Michael says:

    You reached in and touched my heart. That’s hard to do. So let me try to touch yours. You give joy every second to those babes, as I’m sure they do you. Know that loving is the best for any living thing. Know that you gave a life meaning, a purpose, a reason. We all leave, we will all see each other again.

  12. Reine in Plano when not camping says:

    I can understand the challenges you face. I think you’re really a people person who enjoys some alone time and find yourself more unsettled when you have long stretches of time with little interaction with people. Encountering a couple of crabby RV park owners with their camera presence didn’t help. Take your time and enjoy your visit with your friends. I think being with congenial folks you like will help calm your spirit and find the direction to want to go.

    We just got back from 2 1/2 weeks of camping including a rally and some state park time geocaching. We had lousy internet signal so I didn’t bother to try to get the news and it was really refreshing to just know that God is in control so I could ignore whatever was happening, especially because there’s nothing I can do about it. We’re back now and I think my coping strategy is to pray for our leaders and pretty much ignoring the news.

    • Hi Reine, you know, I’m learning more about who I am, even at this late date. I guess, being retired, I have more time to find out. I’m not as reclusive as I thought I was, but I do need above average alone time. I enjoy people a lot, but small gatherings work better for me. Just a couple observations…
      Yes, I’m really enjoying being here with Colleen and Fred in this wide open green country that goes on and on and on…. they have been showing me some beautiful and inspiring places and keeping me very busy. Not much time for news reports, which is a good thing. It all goes on without me monitoring it, just fine.
      Glad to hear you got some camping time in your little Casita. You went to Bluebonnet I’m thinking?

  13. Cindy says:

    New poster, but have followed you for a few years over your love of your babies. I have 2Spoos myself. Heart wrenching post for sure. Just know that many of us which we were in your position to roam. re Joy….what a gorgeous sweet girl for you. I know, I had my own “heart dog” for 20 years prior to having to do what was best for her. Going on 7 years later now, still miss her, but cherish what she taught me over the years of love, forgiveness, and awe of our crazy world.
    Remember, that Shilow will need you if her time comes first and while another never takes the first of our heart dog? There is always one waiting to fill the empty space. My heart dog fully approved of her replacement in my heart and mind. And for me and my current crew as her brother loves her as well, that is all I need. God (or your own universe), will tell you that is why the human heart has the capability to love others……while never forgetting our past loves.I believe that is our greatest gift to love as we can.
    I get the need for settlement, you did that this winter. Do it longer next season perhaps? I think for those of us with gypsy hearts, we all know how Mick sang the same lyrics……
    Be safe, be peaceful, know you are loved by fam, friends and most of all…by beloved J&S.

    • Hi Cindy, thank you for posting after all this time!
      Our sweet companions…they do leave huge empty places in our hearts and souls when they move on, don’t they? It doesn’t just go away…
      Joy and Shiloh are both heart dogs for me. Such different personalities, but both wonderful…Joy so full of Joy and zest for life…always playing and sharing her joyfulness with her mom. Shiloh, much more serious, with eyes of total love and devotion, ever watchful with the desire to protect. Both wonderful beyond words, and they make it very easy for me to love them.

      Yes, I may very well spend more time at Caballo Loco Ranch next season, as long as the weather is tolerable. Hard to say right now though…just feeling so…variable.

      You too, be safe and peaceful…and thank your for your comment.

  14. cc and canine (now back in Oregon) says:

    You are on my mind….sending kind thoughts your way….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s